Remember this? I’m reblogging because I’m the kind of person who likes wrapping things up neatly, and while there’s nothing neat about how I feel right now I like to be able to draw a line from then to now and see how far I’ve come.
Some things have turned full circle - the weather for one, and excessive amounts of walking for another (I haven’t crashed my bike in six months, but I’m not stupid enough to tempt Fate when there’s ice on the roads - even Dinant crashed his last night, and I didn’t even really have the heart to taunt him for it).
But also, what a different person is stepping onto that same flight on Sunday as the one sitting there in that photo, peering out the window and wondering whether any of the towns she could see below might be her new home. I think I felt just as terrified then as I do now, just as unsure of what’s to come and how I’m going to cope. I seem to be writing a lot of these posts, don’t I? Hey, lighten up, lady! It’s not the end of the world. Yesterday Simon made me dinner, and we talked about my coming back to Germany once my Bachelors are complete. He said, “A lot of people talk about going back to the country they spent their exchange year on. ‘Oh yeah, I’ll definitely be back, you know, I want to live here,’ et cetera and whatever. And then they go home and find that they don’t really actually want to take that step. But you, I think actually you will be back - it’s different.”
That is amazing to me. I always find it amazing when people understand. And I think he’s right, and I think my family are right, and I think I can do this. As long as I have the people in my life who keep me going and shut up those little niggly voices in my head that say, “Who do you think you are anyway, you’re not clever or brave or resourceful enough to do this,” and who are constantly there for me (even when I completely fuck up or disappear for twelve months or more) - well, with people like that, who could fail to achieve even the loftiest of goals?
Now - off to do the million and fifty chores I have to complete before Sunday, including but not limited to finishing an essay, unregistering from the town hall, closing my bank account, packing, redistributing all the stuff I’m leaving behind, and so on and so on.
In Transit, March 2011
A quick post, because I’ve got a long and busy day ahead. So I’m here! In Göttingen! It’s still rather surreal, and the ground is frozen, and I have to wear at least three layers to go outside, and the buildings are amazing, and there are forests!!
Jetlag has been mostly (thankfully) absent, although I’m still prone to blame everything on it. I’ve been doing a LOT of walking, and my foot is not thanking me for it, but my mind is. I’m living in a tiny house with (as far as I can tell) about ten other people in it, although I’ve only really met two. I haven’t been doing much photography, more taking videos of the trip over (vlog to follow, eventually, once I get time to edit it all), so this picture is actually the only one I felt like posting. It’s on the flight from Heathrow to Frankfurt, which was actually quite lovely even though I’d decided at that point that I never wanted to see another plane again.
I’ve found my sudden burst of organising frenzy at home has really paid off here - I’ve got my visa and registration all sorted, and brought everything I needed with me (although major props go to David for telling me to pack a powerboard, ethernet cable and coat hangers). My luggage may have been over the weight limit and cost my father $66 (thanks Dad!) but boy has it ever been useful. And setting my phone to international roaming for the next month has been invaluable, even though it may turn out to be expensive! Basically, thanks Past Caitlin.
I’m starving and need to go eat breakfast now, but there’ll be more (much more) at a later date…
